Story
This song is one of the more melancholic songs on the album, and it was written in a time of need. Night rolled around, I got depressed, and put it to sound. True story. The song starts with the chorus, and discusses my attempts at coping with emotional pain. Music, felt like one of the only things that could relieve my hurt at the time of writing this song. Fun fact, I wrote this song on Thanksgiving!
I reference my abnormally deep and intense tendencies to love and care for people with the line "Sometimes it hurts like hell just how much I care for you." I fall in love hard, whether romantically or even just as a friend. This often leads me to heartbreak or pain. I wrote this line because my big heart frustrates me and hurts me.
In the next line, I say, "Been depressed my whole life, two arms to tear into." This represents my long standing battle against mental health struggles. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and self harm since about 12 years old, and this line is a nod to those struggles. I then follow this up by explaining my trust issues and fear of heartbreak. For the most part, my heart is on my sleeve. I'm not afraid to be vulnerable, but I'm still deathly afraid of people hurting my or letting me down in the end.
In the next verse, I talk about one of the only things I truly desire in life. Connection. All I've ever wanted, more than money or fame, is to feel truly loved and known by others. I continue by explaining how this aspect is often misunderstood about me, and how sometimes it leaves me feeling hopeless and lonely. In the end, my music is often a coping mechanism and a way to ease the pain.
Next, I wrote about the struggle of finding God. No matter how far one is in a relationship with God, it is impossible to have perfect faith on this side of Heaven. I tried to be authentic and just write how I felt in the moment, and in the moment, I felt far from God. I also expressed guilt in this feeling with the line, "I must be doing something wrong if I still feel this way after everything.
In the next verse, I speak of my struggle and desire to find freedom from my anxious and emotional mind. I have struggled a ling time with mental health, and I just want to be free from its burden. I mention that God has in fact eased my mental struggles, but I still have a long ways to go. In the end, when night comes and I find myself hurting, one of my best outlets is music, and it helps it hurt a little less.